lil' E.

I talked to E tonight. And holy wow, I do love him at the moment. You know what's helping me get over Ethan? Thinking about worse things that could happen.. Like if E hated me. I'd die. If Eamonn hated me, it'd be like going through a divorce. It'd never be okay. If I don't get married with E.. Or at least introduce him to my kids, if my kids aren't his kids.

Its stupid to think like that ^^ because like Zachary used to say way back when Eth and I were celebrating our 1 month lol.
Z: "Charli, you know you're going to date so many more boys than just Ethan. You're going to meet a million people and probably love half of them.. Who even knows? We might.."
C: "Zac I think we're going to date. Of course, you're ridiculously attractive."
:). He was real cool. I'm always going to wonder about him.. So intelligent, but so misled? I liked him a lot.

But yeah, E's in China. Living life it feels like.. I can't wait to be there with him. I legit nearly booked flights tonight. I could go without food and clothes if it meant I could see him in July. There is real love with us. Maybe its because it's been there for so long.. 3 years kicking now. And I'm still his girl? Like how'd I pull that shit off?

How have I been to his house a million times and only kissed him twice? How have I been invited into the city group and not thought it was weird? Like how did I accept that first time?! Srsly. That's fucked. How have we been together without ever getting together? Why do I miss him so much?

I know I was definitely the one that started saying we were best friends. I was the one that confessed and confided so many things to him. I'm also the one that laughed harder than anyone else at his jokes. I was the one that kept them going too and remembered them. I was the one that kept saying that we know each other so well, even if maybe at that moment we didn't know shit. I was the one that kept us solid metaphorically and therefore literally. And he's the one that's been the most loyal person since forever. He's the one that's forgiven me for paying him out or punching him or cock blocking. He's the one that goes with me when I just babble about legit shit. He was the one I could cry in front of on the last Thursday of school. He's the one that understands my love for China.

I've opened up to him more than anyone, ever. And I mean ever.

Maybe I just really miss him? Probs. He's the greatest guy everevereverever.