what i'm thinking about

So cheated on my facebook rule and I've already done nothing tonight.. Real cure there.

I've downloaded a bunch of Simple Plan. They're literally my childhood CD/I used to listen to number 2 - Welcome to my life and number 11 - Untitled (How could you do this to me?) like literally 6000 times each. I used to make the CD jump to just those 2 songs before I realised I loved every song. Aha.

I'm thinking about Ethan, which I probably shouldn't be. I'm obviously way past crying and all that jazz, I just wonder about certain moments, like why they happened. Once on schoolies I remember just crying at night. I'm wondering now if it was because I was so happy? Or so unhappy.. But I can't see why. I felt unhappy though. Eth was nice about it, all he wanted to know was what was wrong and all I said was, "Let's not have sex tonight." .. What was that about?

Then I also remember Eth getting a hard on one lunchtime and using it as a trick to give me a wedgie. I remember it though.. Maybe Eth was purely my first relationship, maybe I really didn't like him? I was never really comfortable around him tbh. I made shit normal because that's what I do, but was I ever actually comfortable? Was I actually just suffocating in a relationship that I knew should've been perfect, but for some reason wasn't? Such a strange 6 months of my life.

And I mean, it will always be remembered. The only things that you really remember in your life is:

Boyfriends
Education/Work
Travel

That's the things you tell people straight up. Therefore if you skip on any of those things you have less to say than other people, and you sound boring. Which is clearly my biggest fear. I really want this China trip to go ahead and I hate the thought that it might not..

I"M BUYING RODEO TICKETS IN THE MORN. THANK YOU JESUS <3