The furtherst back I can remember is me starting in a mansion and really not liking it there. It feels like the only reason I got by was because someone - the people in chagre maybe? - made frequent sexual jokes at me. Aka touching my nipples or playing with my legs and I faked a real horniness to them. So the thing starts pretty sexual which is weird cause I don't have those dreams.
Then I'm in a bed making out with someone. They're on top of me and I'm sort of teaching them how to touch me. They something like "I'm never the one that stands out anyway, so no big deal." And I push them off my mouth because they are a disgustingly bad kisser and onto my neck where they see this as a progression and take it actively. I'm wearing the new shirt I bought today, they say it looks nice and then rip it off me. Suddenly it's my sister's face reaching under my bra. The bra I'm wearing in fact. I move her had towards it, like I'm teaching her something or she's there to learn how. I joke with her, moving her hand to take my bra off and then dropping it. It's kind of weird that I did that, because we both thought it was weird that we were there, so making a joke only realitified the experience.
I remember reaching into the figure on top of me's pants and saying "Are we really going to do this?" As I yanked on their penis. Now it wasn't my sister, but my friend from primary school, Kayla. Well it was her, but with a penis. E's penis too. She tried to roll me on top of her, but instead rolled right out of bed, now I looked at her on the floor and saw that we were in my Dad's bedroom at our old house. Instead of sitting on her/his whatever's penis, I practiced on the bed like I've always wanted to, but never have.
Then I honestly just got up, walked out the glass door and sat on one of one person couches, the blue ones, in front of the tv. I went into my childhood room in my childhood town and turned on the inexistent computer screen - one from when I was maybe 10?. On the screen wasa massive post-it, coming up slowly like a powerpoint, it started to read:
Write me a message! Or draw me a paragraph.. A picture would be handy!
I got back to my seat on the couch as more things appear on that computer screen. About a minute later, I saw my sister come out of my dad's room too, she looked at me fouly. I said, "Hey Dog - what we call her - whaddddup." She didn't respond. Instead went into my room and I heard her speaking loudly, as though she wanted me to hear. She said, "...no respectable."
I remember because I'm pretty sure that's not a word.
I walk into the kitchen to get a yoghurt and there at the dinner table is my mum. It makes me cry because behind the other side of the counter was Dad. And they were talking. Just normal talk, ignoring me. My parents split when I was 5 and its always been a huge part of my life.
Anyway, all that is back story ^^.
The real story, the real reason I'm even posting this online is because of this next bit:
I think it must have happened that I fell asleep on the couch within my dream because I could feel the difference between the 'dream' and the reality, being my childhood home.
The first time I went in [fell asleep] I was wondering Adelaide St in my city, just in front of my normal bus stop. I have the feeling that I was looking for someone with no face. Looking for someone that was hiding from me, or that didn't look right. Everyone I saw I didn't recognise or didn't stand out and all the buses they would get on were not mine, I could tell.
Literally I'm scanning faces, but because I don't want to see faces they aren't standing out... When I scan a face and it pops out as being right. He looked like Willy Wonka from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the new one with Johnny Depp. He had that hair cut and that coloured skin, so white and powered. I noticed his face before I noticed that it was a 180 degrees from his body and that his body was walking backwards in order for him to be coming towards me. He was with a short lady, with the same backward head on, but I can't put name to her face. I remember her face so well, bangs, hair up high in a messy bun. Quite old and stern looking, as though she'd be a principal off a movie or tv show. Or the bad guy in a churchy movie. She wore all black in a suit formation and he wore a long black trench coat to his toes, not showing from the back any other clothes choice.
He didn't stop as he talked, but I knew he was the right one. As soon as I saw him it was like he was pushing me into a bus that was completely black. He said, "We've been trying to show you, P & L that's all you have to know. We've been trying to show you..."
Into the black bus I go, laughing and spinning saying Charli, Charli, Charli. So vivid that in that dream, I thought I would be saying it in real life. In fact I could feel myself saying it, down a black corridor as I 'exited' the dream. Suddenly a blue post-it flew by me. It said "WTF -in bold-" Then appearing on it as I looked at it was, "P & L." I nodded and for some reason said, "My year 5 teacher and Peter? I don't really undertand but I'll remember."On the card, as if responding to my words read: "Would you like to see your wedding photos next time?" I replied out loud, "Sure, maybe next time." Thinking that I would never have a significant dream like this again so I didn't need to worry.
I appear in a garden, I recognise it, but I don't know where. Definitely not any of my houses. Mum's there, she's about to leave I can tell. Her and Dad had rekindled something, but she couldn't stay like that as she knew it wouldn't work. I hugged her - pretty weird for my family because we don't like physical contact - and she said "I know, but you can't."
She started down the path and I yelled after her and gave her a longer, harder hug. I wondered if when she got married, she knew it wouldn't work the way she wanted. I wondered how wise or how young she was in the scheme of things.
I find myself in the hallway again, only not exiting, entering. There are other peple with me too, with their own post-it's that are flying in different directions. Someone says, "I guess I'm not finished.." As their love heart post-it flys down the corridor and they chase after it.
We open two blue and white metal doors into a arena, I guess you'd call it with a round blow up pool in the middle. The sides of this blow up pool are as big as me sitting down and the whole thing wide must be at least 30m diameter. I plop in first bouncing in my usual excited way to the front of a group of maybe 20 people. In the middle of the pool, suddenly a genie appears, yes not even joking a genie. He's cartoon and blue and fatter than aladin's but still he's a genie.
He says, "Well to the crappiest of crap rides here. They're going to close us down don't worry because you're our last group! First we're going on a log ride, with no tunnels! It's not fun." Everyone groans, but its only because we feel its expected. I got the feeling that everyone there was much more profound than they let on.
Fasika, a girl from highschool is sitting behind me. She turns to her left and whispers to herself, "Its you again!"
I look because I heard her whisper and to our left there's an older, bigger woman with short hair and glasses sitting cross legged in an orange sweater, outside of a lit classroom. She motions for Fas to come to her and I know its for Fasika and her story, but I do an unbelievably fake takein, as though I mistakened her for me. "Me?!" I motion back and start to crawl over to the woman as the genie continues to talk.
I look at my hands for a second and murmur, "It's my turn yet is it?"
And I look up, the old lady has turned to smoke and her orange sweater, glasses and short gray hair sit in a pile in front of the now unlit classroom. It wasn't mine to interupt Fasika's dream or whatever, and I sat against the edge of the blow up pool, away now and in the main focus of the group. The genie obviously had seen the whole occurance and said, "She just wants to find true love, but no one loves her or wants to tell her things. Its not her fault, maybe Charli just can't find love of a man.." The whole group laughed. It was in a mocking tone, the whole thing was a joke at me.
I felt horrible, on the blow up material f the pool I kept re-writing the symbol 心 which means 'heart' in Chinese. It kept disappearing, every time I wrote it. The laughter of the group echoing and enclosing me, something put a headphone in my ear. It said, "Shhh."
And I swear I've never been so anticpative for a noise before.. The noise that played? My message tone. And I woke up at 1:27.
Who has messaged me?
Zam at 1:27. She said, "k i got credit. / omg i'm so excited !!"
I think my dream was trying to tell me I'm a lesbian.
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